Tuesday, December 16, 2008

hard to imagine

today is f's and my 30th anniversary. it's hard to imagine that it's been thirty years since we exchanged vows and publicly proclaimed our love for each other and our intention to adopt those two old and respected names - husband and wife. *

we did our wedding our way, for that we experienced a span of time when some family members didn't consider that we were truly married or that we would last. over time, our actions and love and commitment for each other, and for our extended families (even the doubting thomases) have proved the naysayers wrong. after a few years, I knew our marriage and union was accepted by f's mother, she took me aside and presented me with her grandmother's gold wedding ring. I still tear up when I think of that moment with my late mother-in-law as I know how far she traveled to come to that point of acceptance. I had to have the ring resized great-grandmother's fingers were smaller than mine. once it was properly sized I've worn this beautiful band of rose gold. the ring symbolizes so much - including the endurance and power of family and tradition and proof that change and acceptance is always possible.

f and I were both raised as catholics, as we found our own ways in the world we each became disillusioned over many of the official positions and stands of catholicism. we believed that it would be hypocritical to marry in the catholic church. we followed our hearts and created our own special day. we asked a friend, who was an ordained minister, to officiate. even though we don't subscribe to any one organized religion, we are spiritual people. we hold on to many of the lessons from our catholic upbringing. however, what we feel are important are the lessons that transcend organized religion and dogma. a key to our longevity is our shared values. one of these values is our mutual belief than no one religion holds a monopoly on understanding what it takes to be a good human being and what it means to be a part of something bigger than oneself. we also share a belief that when a religion believes it does hold a monopoly that is when problems between people and between nations and cultures arise.

our wedding day was a beautiful day. because it was winter we held the ceremony in our living room instead of outside surrounded by nature. we thought of that but nixed the idea because one never knows and fort worth can have some wicked winter weather. the clothes we wore for our wedding were as non-traditional as our wedding ceremony. f wore a wool fisherman's sweater under a corduroy jacket. I wore a brand new sweater, the same color as f's made of lamb's wool and angora and a long corduroy skirt I made in high school. in attendance was a small gathering of friends and f's sisters and his father. we wrote our own vows. instead of rings we exchanged sips of wine:
we share this wine to symbolize the essence of our commitment to one another - to be ourselves and to accept each other as lover, companion, and friend.*
the night following our afternoon ceremony we had a big pot-luck party where scores of our friends from school and the community attended.

we recorded the ceremony in order to play it for my family who didn't come to the wedding. of course, we were disappointed that no one from my family came, but we didn't hold it against them. they were sticking to their beliefs and we admired that. we hoped that in time they would accept our staying true to ours even if they were different than theirs. a couple days after our wedding, we braved a nasty winter ice storm, hopped in our vw bus and drove from texas to metro dc to spend our 'honeymoon' with my family. so even though my family didn't physically attend, we brought the ceremony to them, geez I wonder where that recording is, knowing f and I, it would be safe to say we probably still have it, as we still have most of the clothes we wore - unfortunately, several years ago I discovered my wonderful sweater became moth food and I ended up recycling it.

coincidentally, or would it be ironically, there is a december 16 anniversary where I wore a veil, dressed in traditional clothes and participated in a catholic ritual. on december 16, 1962 I received my first holy communion at st. ann's church in memphis tennessee.

*excerpts from our wedding ceremony. more text can be found in last year's anniversary post along with another pic of f and I from that momentous day.

curious cat that I am, wondered what is considered traditional for a 30th wedding anniversary-- pearls and sweet peas. I do have a string of pearls, perhaps I'll pull them out and wear them today. maybe f will bring home a bouquet of sweet peas this evening

since I'm about reminiscing about the past this morning, I have one particularly pearly memory. this was from 1965 when my family visited japan - here's a picture from a visit to a place where I watched a woman stringing pearls.

I can't imagine a better partner to be sharing the road with ~ happy anniversary sweet pea - I love you forever and a day!

pearl jam's tune hard to imagine click to listen - I love eddie's soulful voice - he really captures all the pain and paradise life - and marriage - can contain.

22 comments:

R.L. Bourges said...

here's wishing you many more years of love and happiness together, petite souris.

Coffee Messiah said...

Our Best to ya both and 4 many more to come ; )

Cheers!

Dumdad said...

Congratulations!

Maurice the mouse said...

Celebratory cheese is called, methinks!

LadrĂ³n de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Congratulations on the milestone and for sharing how you two came together.

Colette Amelia said...

Lovely post...lovely people!

Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.

~Author Unknown

congratulations and wishes for many more

randeep said...

lots of love from our family to you and f! i think the strength and beauty of your partnership is evident to anyone who meets you.

randeep said...

p.s. just had to add that i love any occasion that can be celebrated or remembered through sweaters!

Megan said...

Thanks for sharing that, Kimy and congratulations to you and f on this anniversary day! Sounds like it was a lovely and touching ceremony.

"no one religion holds a monopoly on understanding what it takes to be a good human being and what it means to be a part of something bigger than oneself" - Amen, sister!

tut-tut said...

You are a sweetpea! And a pearl, too.

Have a wonderful celebration of thirty years, Kimy. And many many more together.

jenclair said...

What a lovely post, kimy. Best wishes for many more happy years.

jude said...

a toast to the perfect couple!

Barbara said...

Congratulations! It's nice when a marriage just gets better and better, yes? I love all the personal touches in your marriage celebration.

Merle Sneed said...

My very best to both of you. Congratulations.

lettuce said...

what a lovely post
and pictures
congratulations to you
and love

mouse (aka kimy) said...

thanks everyone for all the congratulations and best wishes!

alas maurice, a trip to the fromagerie is in order the fridge only has the more mundade cheeses - the good stuff doesn't last...I wish I would have thought of celebratory cheese - and I call myself a mouse!

best to all!

Alice said...

I wish I could say I remember it like yesterday, but given my short term memory I remember it better than yesterday. Hope I get to watch the next 30 unfold for you two!! Ali

Saretta said...

Congratulations on your 30th wedding anniversary! Your ceremony sounds wonderful (and very similar to my mom and stepdad's ceremony in Berkeley, Ca, 1973!). Here's to 30 more wonderful years together!

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edward said...

happy anniversary to you guys! you will love each other 4 ever! i will have to think up a present. hmmmm

Laney said...

wow Kim,
What a lovely tribute to your lasting love, thank you for sharing with us. Knowing how at peace you are with life, it is really no surprise that you have such a solid core to view and enjoy the world from. Peace and many more.

WAT said...

Congrats on your wonderful and still strong union.